A Slow Winter...

In every Event Coordinator's calendar comes the slow season, when the phone doesn't ring and you get more  daydreams than email enquiries. In this time, she / he has the time and pleasure to catch up on the important things in life, such as purchasing too many unneeded ebay items, getting obsessed with Face book games and of course, revamping their webpage and blog... not that I speak personally or anything...

With a slow winter, so comes the slow moving motivation, when you seriously contemplate bladder abuse until finally dropping your warm pants to relieve yourself. As bears hibernate, does our motivation and creativity also leave for the winter?

Dear Stephanie Meyer,
Did you too, suffer from writers block on a cold winters night, until you dreamt up a vampire concept worth a billion dollars?

Signs you are in slow mode this Winter:

- Your sex was so good that even the neighbours are having a cigarette, yet your next thought is "now what?"
- You spend more time at home than your mother does, waiting up for her to come home and greeting her with a venomous "where were you? I BAKED for you!"
- Most of your sentences ended with "I was going to... but I didn't".
- You try to speak, but all that comes out is a lazy "nyehhhhh", out of one corner of your mouth
- You watch a whole season of True Blood in two days (and it feels so good, you follow up with season 2)
- You weigh yourself and the scales say "Hope the extra cushioning is keeping you warm, fatty".
- You spend 2 hours at work with an empty blog post, writing "lalalalalalaboobs", delete and repeat.
- You print out winter warmer recipes to host a dinner party that night, and end up using the paper to clean the McDonalds off your lap.
- You want to smile so wide a banana could fit in your mouth sideways, but all you manage is a side smirk.
- Instead of wanting to hear "Can I wine you and dine you?" as the next pick up line, you long to hear "hello, can I domesticate you?"
- Extreme boredom, isolation and low energy

We know that Sloth is a deadly sin, but isn't a good slow weekend or week a necessity in the cold weather? It makes me wonder if the rate of relationships are higher in colder months. Hmm.

As for this Wooly Winter Woman, it's time to shake the snowflakes off, clip in the hair extension (highly recommended beauty product!) and shine up my party shoes.

When you're feeling restless, the only thing that follow is some necessary drama!

Until the party starts,

<3 Miss Coordinate

A Good Night Out

After being quoted after a big night out saying "It isn't a quest for a freaking ring, I just want you to go and get me a drink", I thought about ways to be an efficient Saturday-Night-Alcoholic (in the most classy way of course), and included very thoughtful prediction on how you might feel the next day!

If Charlie Chaplin was right when he said "A man's true character comes out when he is drunk", I know a whole lot of voyeuristic, compulsive and clumsy people! Oh Charlie- if only you could see us now.

An 'Efficient' Saturday Night Out:

- You have your eyes locked on a hot prize of the evening, and you're finally talking. It's a basic guarantee that if either of you excuse yourselves, you'll get caught up in the bar/club hype and not get to speak again. This is what I like to call a Flock Block. Much like the infamous Twat / Cock block, except it involves circumstances in which a person has to flee due to:
- Needing to urinate
- Needing to buy a drink
- Needing to vacate the area due to an unnatural disaster (I call this the ex-boyfriend sighting)

One way to avoid this, or at least the drink issue, is to become an efficient alcoholic and purchase two drinks for yourself at a time at the bar (and urinating before you leave the house for goodness sake).

Less time at the bar means less time wasted, and more time avoiding the eldery lonely men that lurke the line-up hoping to charm you with their gold teeth and Wooden-Spoon-Award-Pick up lines!
 (HINT: may come in handy if you need to score a free drink, WARNING: this may attract a wrinkly leech)

When your beautifully-clad feet are throbbing, and so is your heart, the last thing you want to do is leave your prime position.

Things you want to avoid:

- Whining to the same person to get you a drink - pick someone new each time and offer them money for it. You don't want to look like a Winona ;).

- Drinking so much you: have to leave / vomit up your cocktail / text your ex your exact location with co-ordinates / cry and get the all famous Mascara Neck.

KEY INDICATORS YOU WENT OUT LAST NIGHT
(The good, bad, and the Long Bay Jail level of Ugly)


- There are kebab wrappers in your bag, bin, floor, mouth, random hotel room.
- You get notifications of photos added from people you were with last night and your first reaction is to delete your entire Face book.
- Your first words are a painful "ohh shiiiiit"
- You find unexplained bruises. Upon realising their explanation, your next words are also "ohh shiiiiit" (see embarassment blog for an A++ example)

- You walked through a drive through McDonalds / got into a taxi so they can stop on the way home
- You're written on
- You wrote on people
- You're now famous for being Smirnoff's best consumer
- You believe you should be famous for being Smirnoff's best consumer.. AND...

- My Classiest Gold Star Moment of 2009: You pull into a service station to throw up on the way home. The young indian won't let you in... So you let it all out on the glass front door, that isn't so sparkling-clean anymore.

- My slap-your-forehead Moment of 2010: You text your best friend wondering how they got home last night, and they reply, "are you serious, you idiot, the same way you did. I'm upstairs". (Suddenly all those kebab wrappers explain themselves slowly).

As always, another lesson learnt. They say some of the best ideas you will ever have, dawn like a bright country sunrise after a cocktail or two; so I have now brought to you the most intelligent thing I have, and ever will write in my life!

<3 Miss Communication