Dear Molly

As I think about packing for my small weekend trip away, I wonder how you packed for your big European adventure...
Four years, and four lifetimes ago, we became best friends. And now, you bitch, you have decided to leave me for England and the rest. While you are away and unreachable, I decided to dedicate this post to you. 
Regardless of the fact that I baked you a two tiered masterpiece of a cake, slaved over a scrapbook, provided a designer notebook all with the secret message of "Please stay", you have left me for 3 months, and extended it for 6. 
Even thought I hate you right now, I'm gonna type through the pain and go back to when I loved you and your close proximity. 


I think what ties us together most is the many embarrassing moments that we have saved each other from.
Remember that time I was pining after that felon, and in my drunken stupor, tried to run after him to punch him in the face? I will never forget yelling "Hold my bag!" and clicking away in my heels like a centipede with all it's legs missing.
Thank you for being there to laugh at me, and help me remember so that I may laugh too.

You've seen me through when I have been in some serious shit.


Thank you for experiencing miracles with me, like when the Motorway was too busy so we went down a quiet road, only to see the little boat light up on your dashboard. "Oh my god! What does that meann" you cried in horror. Because I am amazing, I reply, "the car overheated, we need to stop, revive survive and get some water STAT!".


I know we will have our own adventures again soon <3. 
I think what is really vital, is that we embarrass ourselves enough without embarrassing eachother. Like when you held a dinner party for our friends, but needed help with the cooking. Thank you for finally admitting that, even though you exclaimed "hey everyone, here's a finger bowl for you and a napkin for your hands, aren't I smart!", it was actually my idea. Anybody else would have yelled "LIARRR! IT WAS ALL ME!", I took one for the team and smiled down at my clean hands in shock!


Thank you for always pushing me to exercise, even when I regretted it. I now know not to violently throw my legs over my head in pilates, as it makes me roll over and scream. 


And BTW, which FYI means By The Way, thank you for being a witness to...


- The brunch where my scones turned into biscuits
- Crashing my mum's car the first day I had it, and watching that stupid fat child get taken away in the ambulance for insurance of some kind.
- Teasing my mother, e.g. the way she says McDonalds... "Mecdaaanalds"
- Teaching me that in fact, party pies do taste good when cold
- Scaring me to death when there was an avalanche in New Zealand where you happened to be.. (the day before)
- Yourself. Being a spastic. All the time. Esp when you cut your essay writing short for an emergency mani-pedi
- Watching New Moon 3 times in cinema (in the month of November)

 

- Creating Fat Shit day with me, where we eat everything and it doesn't matter, because a magic fairy blessed the day to minus all calories consumed on this day (allocated by us)

- My lint-infested trackies, which were the only pair left for me to where as you always leave my house with my clothes on instead of yours
- All the sexual escapades you rescued me from, lesbian events when I got spooned against my will, and countless funny things we should really write down, seeing as we both have photographic memories, but neither of us have any film!
- Your spastic rants: here is an excerpt from Facebook for your convenience:


" Helen I think we should just be friends.
Plus I like men.
And I have a hunch your cheating on me with many men.
And your bad in bed.
There I said it"

"Question.. is clothing required for tomorow night? I bought really hot shoes and I just feel like they're enough"

Here's some flashbacks from 2007 that I emplore you to make sense of

"Hell 2 da yes!

One day were gonna own our own bubble factory!
And swimmable accserories line!
And we'll play with bubbles and look hot!
And be rich!
And famous!
And laugh at the little ppl!!"

I miss you so much. So many huge things have happened that are only huge to us, and I can't call you up or send you one liner sms' like "omg I just wet myself" or anything cause it's just not the same. There's just no love like moelen love <3 

I know I'm selfish, because I want you to have fun, but mostly I want you to hate it so you can come home due to missing me incredibly. 

So from me to you, here's a little slice of home, the only way we know how. Incredibly hilarious and twice as cute

<3 Miss Communication

The Thing about Relationships is...

More and more my relationship and those around me are reminding me of tug-of-wars. Relationships to me, in an idealistic world, seem to be about making compromises. It would seem that it's the only logical explanation to get along. If both parties have strong ideas and beliefs and aren't ever willing to budge, how do we ever end a cold war?

Which got me to wondering... Maybe opposites really do attract! Taking on the idea that everybody has a 'personality type' ( see http://www.personalitypage.com/relationships.html)  Different personality types hold different values, for example

The Idealist: They have a very deep capacity for love and caring above any other personality type (which is normally the issue in most men- this hurdle has been cleared! Hallelujah)!. They usually adapt easily, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation. Hint: you do not want to fight with this one.

Adam (the Idealist) says to Eve (also an Idealist): 'I want you to stay home while I hunt and that is not negotiable'
Eve: 'Those vegetables aren't going to plant themselves Adam, I need and want to go out.'
Adam thinks: I'll make her see
Eve thinks: He's not getting laid till he agrees with me

Both parties are at a stand still, and neither will budge, wanting to grab each other's shoulders and shake one another until they make a My-Way-or-the-Highway smoothie. So they're up Serpent creek without a paddle, while Adam sulks under the Tree of Knowledge (not that it helps), and Eve waits at the bottom of the hill ready to pounce and plead her case one more time.

In my experience, the only way a couple get out of this mess, whether it's a big issue or a 'you didn't wash my leaf briefs' squabble, is if both respect each other and want each other enough that it just doesn't matter. Personalities aside, it all comes down to fighting fair.

No matter what the issue is, there is always a reason or insecurity behind it that they just don't want you to see. It takes patience and honesty to work through it- even though your first reaction is "what a bloody tosser, what's the big deal!!!"

Around me, I see friends whose partners know they are weak, and play on their insecurities like salt on an open wound. The girls that tell tales and manipulate, and the men that don't call. Why? Because they can!
My advise to those people is always "She / He did this awful thing to you, and wants you to get over it. I know you don't want to lose them, but think about this for a second...

Do you think that 5 years from now you will be married or be with this person if they're capable of doing this to you?"


If the answer is no, maybe there isn't anything worth fighting for.

How to avoid it

It's all about balance. One needs to know their worth, and maintain a good self esteem no matter who they are with- that way no one can ever shake it or threaten it.
At the same time, couples have to be able to talk things out assertively, and discuss how they are feeling and why. If this isn't happening, then one of you isn't caring at all. I guarantee it's not the person caring enough to read this!

Love Always,

Miss Communication.