The Pin Up Girl

As we sift through an endless scale of labels, roles and self-images, we try to identify ourselves and our place in the world. We're constantly changing what we believe, what we stand for and which cause to fight for. When everything changes faster than Lindsay Lohan gets new negative press, how do we ever stop the labelling process?

From the primary school Mufti-Day wardrobe mishaps where the cool kids picked on your Target shirt, to working out how to deal with your first toxic bachelor in Love's game of chemistry, we have grown and changed according to who we 'are' in society. Women unfortunately, sometimes let men to do the labelling. When you want to drown your troubles but your boyfriend won't go swimming, sometimes it's lighter on the soul to do our own re-evaluation.

Women are constantly working to be accepted by the general public, while men have less of this pressure, thus the Pin Up Girl Effect. I don't see any 1950's male model pin ups that other men can strive towards becoming. That tall, dark and handsome Mr Right with a rich knowledge of the female body and an ever richer bank account. No!
There are no old male posters with a man holding a diamond between his pecs, the way a woman models her baby maker.

We love to label ourselves, take little quizzes and categorize. No matter what we say about looks not mattering, women are more likely to feel its importance, regardless if the man doesn't care. Love may be blind, but our own sense of sex appeal isn't. This would be why lingerie is so popular!


It's a proven fact that women are more likely to feel insecure about their image, and watch every thing they do because of it. Of course, I've never been a fan of believing "you are what you eat", because I happen to like fruits and nuts!
It's the unlikeable truth that men are more likely to have a strong sense of confidence, even when it's not deserved. (Read my first blog THE MALE EGO). When it comes to our roles in relationships, how we see ourselves is likely to be how others see us too.

 Maybe it's true what they say after all...

<3 Miss Communication

Some believe that a black cat crosses your path and greatly impacts the outcome of your day. Others believe that a black cat crosses your path because it's merely going somewhere. I pity the fool that believes nothing, for then neither have any purpose at all!

TLC, Trouble Lies with Choice

In a world of uncertainty, where men are at women like dogs to fire hydrants, it's become more common to find something else than stick to one partner. Plans are never kept, choices remain unmade and somehow the person we are interested in always has another 25 options.

Have you ever walked into a supermarket with the sole intention of buying bread, or hair dye, and walk out empty handed, or with something completely irrelevant - like gum? Making a choice became so difficult and frustrating, you shook your head in awe and gave up on your mission all together. Plain, rye, wholemean, wholegrain, wholemeal with grains, mixed, sourdough, flat, fat, f*&ks sake! Nobody ever wants to live with making the wrong choice, so we choose not to choose at all!

Variety: the spice of strife!
One could argue that we are so used to being spoilt for choice, we view our relationships the same way. Hey men, don't worry, if you lose the Original flavour. There is always Diet girl, Vanilla spice, Sugar free Mama and Raspberry Red head. Clearly "The Bachelor" was created by a man.

Where Mr Right's first name is Always, and always turns out so be so very wrong, finding one we like is challenge enough. When dating becomes more difficult than a 300-suitcase game of Deal or No Deal, how do we ever manage to get what we want?

Newly single people argue that sometimes the best way to get over one is to get under another. With so many under your belt, how do you know that the right one hasn't already come and gone?
After bedding countless people, how would you begin to choose the best, the worst, the sacred, the One.

We're always driven to see, buy and want more, because it can never seem that we have enough with a world full of choices. Researchers believe the problem is that when you have too much choice, you become obsessed about what your decision will say about you.


Who knows, maybe we all divulge in a little Gluttony every now and then and just choose everything. I know many men do! 


I find that sometimes, the greatest relief is to sit back with a glass of wine and watch the chips fall where they may. That and of course, sign up for online shopping to save yourself the look of disgusted amazement at the supermarket. Unlike Kathy Lee Griffin, sometimes it's best to quit while you're ahead. 


From me to you,


<3 Miss Communication

The Thing about Relationships is...

More and more my relationship and those around me are reminding me of tug-of-wars. Relationships to me, in an idealistic world, seem to be about making compromises. It would seem that it's the only logical explanation to get along. If both parties have strong ideas and beliefs and aren't ever willing to budge, how do we ever end a cold war?

Which got me to wondering... Maybe opposites really do attract! Taking on the idea that everybody has a 'personality type' ( see http://www.personalitypage.com/relationships.html)  Different personality types hold different values, for example

The Idealist: They have a very deep capacity for love and caring above any other personality type (which is normally the issue in most men- this hurdle has been cleared! Hallelujah)!. They usually adapt easily, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation. Hint: you do not want to fight with this one.

Adam (the Idealist) says to Eve (also an Idealist): 'I want you to stay home while I hunt and that is not negotiable'
Eve: 'Those vegetables aren't going to plant themselves Adam, I need and want to go out.'
Adam thinks: I'll make her see
Eve thinks: He's not getting laid till he agrees with me

Both parties are at a stand still, and neither will budge, wanting to grab each other's shoulders and shake one another until they make a My-Way-or-the-Highway smoothie. So they're up Serpent creek without a paddle, while Adam sulks under the Tree of Knowledge (not that it helps), and Eve waits at the bottom of the hill ready to pounce and plead her case one more time.

In my experience, the only way a couple get out of this mess, whether it's a big issue or a 'you didn't wash my leaf briefs' squabble, is if both respect each other and want each other enough that it just doesn't matter. Personalities aside, it all comes down to fighting fair.

No matter what the issue is, there is always a reason or insecurity behind it that they just don't want you to see. It takes patience and honesty to work through it- even though your first reaction is "what a bloody tosser, what's the big deal!!!"

Around me, I see friends whose partners know they are weak, and play on their insecurities like salt on an open wound. The girls that tell tales and manipulate, and the men that don't call. Why? Because they can!
My advise to those people is always "She / He did this awful thing to you, and wants you to get over it. I know you don't want to lose them, but think about this for a second...

Do you think that 5 years from now you will be married or be with this person if they're capable of doing this to you?"


If the answer is no, maybe there isn't anything worth fighting for.

How to avoid it

It's all about balance. One needs to know their worth, and maintain a good self esteem no matter who they are with- that way no one can ever shake it or threaten it.
At the same time, couples have to be able to talk things out assertively, and discuss how they are feeling and why. If this isn't happening, then one of you isn't caring at all. I guarantee it's not the person caring enough to read this!

Love Always,

Miss Communication.