Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Emotional Terrorist

The Experiment
In my 8 month absence, I have noticed an abundance of a species that I would like to take this opportunity to introduce. That is, of course, if you haven't had the "pleasure" of encountering one already.
As the Zebras of the world meet the Lions, I give you...

The Emotional Terrorist
It's the bird on the wire above you that makes you shuffle over in fear that it might poop on you.
It's the loser in a fight that insists someone "make a choice" (who, may I note, never gets chosen!)
It's the fight you have, where you don't really say anything clever until a half hour has past... and they've already left!
It's the man that admits he just likes to fight
It's the complete and utter absence of all regard and logic, with the sole purpose of being a complete Kaniption to your existence.  

The Result
So this Zebra watched The Lion King for practise, put on her Cat Suit and ventured into the wilderness, where she wouldn't have to ask twice for an attack or two.
I came head-to-head with some Grade A reasons to stay in bed in the morning. It was as simple as the approach.

I walk into my function room at work, and who should be there but the CEO and the Head Chef, who I had on good authority, enjoyed a bit of "Machine Gunnery" to the lower ranks.
So I walked in. To my own function room.
Chef: Excuse me 'YOUNG LADY', I believe we were having a conversation before you walked in. (I swear he said it exactly like that, Capital letters flying all around). 
CEO: Don't you have something to do? Or something to clean?
This was my moment. Fight or Flight.

Dear the Verve
No matter how many times I listened to your lyrics, NO. This Could very well not Be The Moment!
I froze and made a hasty retreat. If anyone asks, my "Fight" reflex was just looking for the opportune moment.. and got lost.

I was falsely inspired much like the way that watching Julie & Julia inspires you to cook something well out of your skill range, and end up with stew.
In my research and experience with such creatures, I have found various ways to deal with these really bad April Fools Jokes of humans.
(In this exception, I will break my meticulous grammar rule and start a sentence with Because)..
Because the only way to deal with these emotional pests, I mean really deal with them so they don't return, is by becoming one. So until they create a Mortein strong enough, I'll be sharpening my claws for phase two!

                              If I'm not back in five minutes.. Just wait longer!

Miss Coordinate <3

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