Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Friend


When I was a little girl (not that I have grown much since), I believed that God watched everything I did, just like I was taught in scripture. Before I did something 'naughty', like see what the fuss was all about and put foil in the microwave, I would stop and think to myself, "Maybe God went to get a glass of water". 

hairdressers.jpg hairdresser image by magalislootmansMy morals in regards to friends, however, have always been different (one would hope). If you do something wrong to a friend, it doesn't matter if they saw it or not. Deep down, no matter how good of a child you are, you will still know, that baby indeed did a bad bad thing.

Throughout our lives, we encounter a rich tapestry of different types of friendships. Some people believe that friends are God's way of apologising for their families, while others take whatever they can get. I, however, believe that friends in life are like chicken in a salad. They're not necessary, but they make everything so much better!

I happen to be very fortune to have wonderfully giving and supportive friends like J, and old friends like K, who's own mother can only describe him as "Unique"
Friendship is knowing they will always be there for you, no matter how many times I whine for assorted chocolate bars, drop their pants while somebody video tapes it, endlessly talk about myself and laugh so painfully loud that nearby countries cop a 4.9 on the Richter Scale. 

There comes a time however, when friendships break down. You've heard of toxic bachelor (see post below), now here are some of the common traits in a 'toxic friend', identified by Ivillage, and edited by yours truly, Miss Coordinate:

This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.
Personally, I can always bet on this person not showing up, and score myself some loose change.
2. The Double-crosser:
This negative friend betrays you big-time. It could happen when someone does something to hurt you, such as spreading a malicious rumor about you. 
Personally, I had my fair share of double-crossers early in life, and I like to think that I am now older and wiser (yeah right), and can spot these types early. Drop your shopping bags, bestie bracelet, matching shirt and run, is my advise. 
a friend who does not make the time to listen to you will eat away at your self-esteem. For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.
Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought "wow, that person is really nice, but I don't know anything about them at all"? It's because you were the one doing all the talking:- women, this comes naturally! 
Side note: an old toxic-bachelor-boyfriend of mine admitted to letting women do all the talking so they liked him better, and he didn't even have to say a word! 

When you say to this friend, "This is just between us," she nods her head but unfortunately that promise will last only as long as it takes her to get to her phone or e-mail.
Unless you want the world to know, avoid telling these people secrets, cause they'll be passed around faster than a hot potato among energetic red-cordial lipped chilren.

 5. The Competitor:
A little bit of competition can be motivating and healthy, but an excess amount can be worse than getting your pants pulled down in a public place; unnecessary and horrid for ones self esteem! Competition implies a race in which one wins and the other loses; the opposite of what someone typically expects in a positive friendship, especially a close or best one.
If you wish to stay friends with the Competitor, you may have to be willing to listen to her brags and boasts far more often than you can share your own

6. The Fault-finder
Nothing you do, say, or wear is good enough for this overly critical friend. The Fault-finder was probably raised by extremely judgmental parents who were also rearing equally hypercritical siblings. 
Dropping in a quote from the one and only Mother Teresa, "if you judge people, you have no time to love them". 

In my experience, even the best of friends can have faults in every one of these categories. Just like water and pancake mix, sometimes you have to work together and shake things up a little to get a good end result!

So whether you're a sometimes friend, a bestest friend, a woman with a whole lot of cats, or a guy in the 'friend zone' that constantly reminds himself it's better than nothing, don't fear. 
Friendship may have more faces than a gold digger's diamond, but it is still friendship after all.

Your friend,

<3 Miss Coordinate

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A Slow Winter...

In every Event Coordinator's calendar comes the slow season, when the phone doesn't ring and you get more  daydreams than email enquiries. In this time, she / he has the time and pleasure to catch up on the important things in life, such as purchasing too many unneeded ebay items, getting obsessed with Face book games and of course, revamping their webpage and blog... not that I speak personally or anything...

With a slow winter, so comes the slow moving motivation, when you seriously contemplate bladder abuse until finally dropping your warm pants to relieve yourself. As bears hibernate, does our motivation and creativity also leave for the winter?

Dear Stephanie Meyer,
Did you too, suffer from writers block on a cold winters night, until you dreamt up a vampire concept worth a billion dollars?

Signs you are in slow mode this Winter:

- Your sex was so good that even the neighbours are having a cigarette, yet your next thought is "now what?"
- You spend more time at home than your mother does, waiting up for her to come home and greeting her with a venomous "where were you? I BAKED for you!"
- Most of your sentences ended with "I was going to... but I didn't".
- You try to speak, but all that comes out is a lazy "nyehhhhh", out of one corner of your mouth
- You watch a whole season of True Blood in two days (and it feels so good, you follow up with season 2)
- You weigh yourself and the scales say "Hope the extra cushioning is keeping you warm, fatty".
- You spend 2 hours at work with an empty blog post, writing "lalalalalalaboobs", delete and repeat.
- You print out winter warmer recipes to host a dinner party that night, and end up using the paper to clean the McDonalds off your lap.
- You want to smile so wide a banana could fit in your mouth sideways, but all you manage is a side smirk.
- Instead of wanting to hear "Can I wine you and dine you?" as the next pick up line, you long to hear "hello, can I domesticate you?"
- Extreme boredom, isolation and low energy

We know that Sloth is a deadly sin, but isn't a good slow weekend or week a necessity in the cold weather? It makes me wonder if the rate of relationships are higher in colder months. Hmm.

As for this Wooly Winter Woman, it's time to shake the snowflakes off, clip in the hair extension (highly recommended beauty product!) and shine up my party shoes.

When you're feeling restless, the only thing that follow is some necessary drama!

Until the party starts,

<3 Miss Coordinate

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sincerely Not Yours

"Marriage is not a noun, it's a verb. It isn't something you get; it's something you do. It is the way you love your partner every day" - Barbara De Angelis

Lets get a little mushy.
In a world where we are constantly falling in and out of love, sometimes with the same person over again, how do we ever manage to stay where we are? One will hesitate, the other will get discouraged, and sometimes fighting for the thing we love runs the risk of losing the love you had for yourself.

Toxic relationships with toxic bachelors give you the illusion that time, another person, or insecurities were at play, thus hindering you both from having that Great Love you were supposed to.
Wrong. If he / she loves you as much as they say they do, they'd be with you no matter what. The answer is always clear, and the cosmo quiz is unnecessary as they leave us no choice. Which brings me to my recent need to express the below.

Maybe Jojo was right, sometimes it's just too little, too late...

Dear Toxic Bachelor,

Love is not a drunk phone call at 2am
Love is not ignoring phone calls or making excuses
Love is not "Come over, I miss you, but you can't stay"
Love is not being too good for me one week, then clingier than a hungry koala the next.
Love is not "Sorry I forgot"
Love is not just finding a master for your monster.
Love is not what I should have called slamming vodka down my face to stop crying over you.
Love is not "You're all mine. However, see that blonde with the big rack? I'll have her save herself for me too".
Love is NOT just for the weekend. Love is always; every day.
Love is not fair when you declare it to someone after they have finally moved on and found someone better.
Love is not painful most of the time.

Toxic bachelors like you should be a sweet tooth pick-me-up, or an impulse item on a Saturday night. Loving you was like a lengthy bout of food poisoning. The beauty of this toxic love is it will only happen once for me, like chicken pox. The down-side for you is it will happen a lot, much like catching multiple STD's, curing it, and catching it again.

One day I will be happily married, because I have already learnt my lesson. Even though I sincerely thank you for the learning curve, I am unable to determine where you will end up.

Your love was like buying a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, accidentally naming it after a well-known vibrator, and posting it all over facebook with the line "I love my Ruby Rabbit".
Embarrassing, shameful, public, and painfully avoidable.

Althought I'll never say it to your face...
If you really did love me the way I used to love you, you would have kept it to yourself, knowing I'm already so happy with someone else.

Sincerely not yours,
<3 Miss Communication

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dear Molly

As I think about packing for my small weekend trip away, I wonder how you packed for your big European adventure...
Four years, and four lifetimes ago, we became best friends. And now, you bitch, you have decided to leave me for England and the rest. While you are away and unreachable, I decided to dedicate this post to you. 
Regardless of the fact that I baked you a two tiered masterpiece of a cake, slaved over a scrapbook, provided a designer notebook all with the secret message of "Please stay", you have left me for 3 months, and extended it for 6. 
Even thought I hate you right now, I'm gonna type through the pain and go back to when I loved you and your close proximity. 

I think what ties us together most is the many embarrassing moments that we have saved each other from.
Remember that time I was pining after that felon, and in my drunken stupor, tried to run after him to punch him in the face? I will never forget yelling "Hold my bag!" and clicking away in my heels like a centipede with all it's legs missing.
Thank you for being there to laugh at me, and help me remember so that I may laugh too.

You've seen me through when I have been in some serious shit.

Thank you for experiencing miracles with me, like when the Motorway was too busy so we went down a quiet road, only to see the little boat light up on your dashboard. "Oh my god! What does that meann" you cried in horror. Because I am amazing, I reply, "the car overheated, we need to stop, revive survive and get some water STAT!".

I know we will have our own adventures again soon <3. 
I think what is really vital, is that we embarrass ourselves enough without embarrassing eachother. Like when you held a dinner party for our friends, but needed help with the cooking. Thank you for finally admitting that, even though you exclaimed "hey everyone, here's a finger bowl for you and a napkin for your hands, aren't I smart!", it was actually my idea. Anybody else would have yelled "LIARRR! IT WAS ALL ME!", I took one for the team and smiled down at my clean hands in shock!

Thank you for always pushing me to exercise, even when I regretted it. I now know not to violently throw my legs over my head in pilates, as it makes me roll over and scream. 

And BTW, which FYI means By The Way, thank you for being a witness to...

- The brunch where my scones turned into biscuits
- Crashing my mum's car the first day I had it, and watching that stupid fat child get taken away in the ambulance for insurance of some kind.
- Teasing my mother, e.g. the way she says McDonalds... "Mecdaaanalds"
- Teaching me that in fact, party pies do taste good when cold
- Scaring me to death when there was an avalanche in New Zealand where you happened to be.. (the day before)
- Yourself. Being a spastic. All the time. Esp when you cut your essay writing short for an emergency mani-pedi
- Watching New Moon 3 times in cinema (in the month of November)
- Creating Fat Shit day with me, where we eat everything and it doesn't matter, because a magic fairy blessed the day to minus all calories consumed on this day (allocated by us)
- My lint-infested trackies, which were the only pair left for me to where as you always leave my house with my clothes on instead of yours
- All the sexual escapades you rescued me from, lesbian events when I got spooned against my will, and countless funny things we should really write down, seeing as we both have photographic memories, but neither of us have any film!
- Your spastic rants: here is an excerpt from Facebook for your convenience:

Helen I think we should just be friends.
Plus I like men.
And I have a hunch your cheating on me with many men.
And your bad in bed.
There I said it"

"Question.. is clothing required for tomorow night? I bought really hot shoes and I just feel like they're enough"

Here's some flashbacks from 2007 that I emplore you to make sense of

"Hell 2 da yes!
One day were gonna own our own bubble factory!
And swimmable accserories line!
And we'll play with bubbles and look hot!
And be rich!
And famous!
And laugh at the little ppl!!"

I miss you so much. So many huge things have happened that are only huge to us, and I can't call you up or send you one liner sms' like "omg I just wet myself" or anything cause it's just not the same. There's just no love like moelen love <3 
I know I'm selfish, because I want you to have fun, but mostly I want you to hate it so you can come home due to missing me incredibly. 

So from me to you, here's a little slice of home, the only way we know how. Incredibly hilarious and twice as cute

<3 Miss Communication

The Pin Up Girl

As we sift through an endless scale of labels, roles and self-images, we try to identify ourselves and our place in the world. We're constantly changing what we believe, what we stand for and which cause to fight for. When everything changes faster than Lindsay Lohan gets new negative press, how do we ever stop the labelling process?

From the primary school Mufti-Day wardrobe mishaps where the cool kids picked on your Target shirt, to working out how to deal with your first toxic bachelor in Love's game of chemistry, we have grown and changed according to who we 'are' in society. Women unfortunately, sometimes let men to do the labelling. When you want to drown your troubles but your boyfriend won't go swimming, sometimes it's lighter on the soul to do our own re-evaluation.

Women are constantly working to be accepted by the general public, while men have less of this pressure, thus the Pin Up Girl Effect. I don't see any 1950's male model pin ups that other men can strive towards becoming. That tall, dark and handsome Mr Right with a rich knowledge of the female body and an ever richer bank account. No!
There are no old male posters with a man holding a diamond between his pecs, the way a woman models her baby maker.

We love to label ourselves, take little quizzes and categorize. No matter what we say about looks not mattering, women are more likely to feel its importance, regardless if the man doesn't care. Love may be blind, but our own sense of sex appeal isn't. This would be why lingerie is so popular!

It's a proven fact that women are more likely to feel insecure about their image, and watch every thing they do because of it. Of course, I've never been a fan of believing "you are what you eat", because I happen to like fruits and nuts!
It's the unlikeable truth that men are more likely to have a strong sense of confidence, even when it's not deserved. (Read my first blog THE MALE EGO). When it comes to our roles in relationships, how we see ourselves is likely to be how others see us too.

 Maybe it's true what they say after all...

<3 Miss Communication

Some believe that a black cat crosses your path and greatly impacts the outcome of your day. Others believe that a black cat crosses your path because it's merely going somewhere. I pity the fool that believes nothing, for then neither have any purpose at all!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Bucket List

After watching "I love you too", I decided that unless you are Peter Helliar using any excuse to hit on women clearly out of your leauge, it's ok to write a Bucket List anytime you want.
Aside from a great time in bed, we all need to achieve certain goals in order to feel satisfied. If we satisfy certain needs, we can move on to achieving greater well being.
I will start by noting that "go bungee jumping" is NOT on the list. I used to shake so violently on the high school balance beam that I recited the whole bible before getting coaxed down with a Cherry Ripe.
So without further adieu, suspend your judgement and secure your underwear for

My Bucket List

1. Go skinny dipping
2. Swim with the dolphins
3. Create my dream home with a really big kitchen and throw an awesome dinner party
4. Have a baby and make them very happy
5. Get married... and stay married
6. Name a star
7. Have a puppy (own one... not give birth to one)
8. Spend 24 hours completely naked
9. Learn to ski
10. Canter on a horse and NOT fall off this time.. aka without bruising my ego or my back
11. Fly first class
12. Punch someone in the face and break something
13. Visit a castle in Ireland
14. Visit the Greek Islands and stay at least a week in one place
15. Tour America
16. Have a really nice bar collection... and not drink it all
17. Sell my writing in some form
18. Go a week without make-up (eep!)
19. Stay up all night without passing out, throwing up or engaging in strange drunken acts one may regret
20. Received a bouquet of flowers for no special reason
21. Hand over my old diaries to my kiddies.
22. Apologise to my boyfriend for wetting myself when he dribbled tea into my mouth from his.
23. Try 22 again and not wet myself.
24. Have 100% job satisfaction
25. Have a black and white Old England photo taken from Movie World. I went with my ex, but we left early to go and see strippers instead. *Sigh*
26. Grow a pretty garden.
27. Go scuba diving. Not sit on the edge of a boat and shake of fear; actually do it!
28. Get on that god damn balance beam without shaking

29. Finish what I started: including but not limited to
- A whole bottle of Moet
- Every Marilyn Monroe film
- A Star Wars film.. so help me God.
- Learning the keyboard...That retched thing is harder than it looks.
- Saving for Europe
- an entire collection of something

"You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them may be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experiences. "Gordon B. Hinckley

With love,

<3 Miss communication

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

TLC, Trouble Lies with Choice

In a world of uncertainty, where men are at women like dogs to fire hydrants, it's become more common to find something else than stick to one partner. Plans are never kept, choices remain unmade and somehow the person we are interested in always has another 25 options.

Have you ever walked into a supermarket with the sole intention of buying bread, or hair dye, and walk out empty handed, or with something completely irrelevant - like gum? Making a choice became so difficult and frustrating, you shook your head in awe and gave up on your mission all together. Plain, rye, wholemean, wholegrain, wholemeal with grains, mixed, sourdough, flat, fat, f*&ks sake! Nobody ever wants to live with making the wrong choice, so we choose not to choose at all!

Variety: the spice of strife!
One could argue that we are so used to being spoilt for choice, we view our relationships the same way. Hey men, don't worry, if you lose the Original flavour. There is always Diet girl, Vanilla spice, Sugar free Mama and Raspberry Red head. Clearly "The Bachelor" was created by a man.

Where Mr Right's first name is Always, and always turns out so be so very wrong, finding one we like is challenge enough. When dating becomes more difficult than a 300-suitcase game of Deal or No Deal, how do we ever manage to get what we want?

Newly single people argue that sometimes the best way to get over one is to get under another. With so many under your belt, how do you know that the right one hasn't already come and gone?
After bedding countless people, how would you begin to choose the best, the worst, the sacred, the One.

We're always driven to see, buy and want more, because it can never seem that we have enough with a world full of choices. Researchers believe the problem is that when you have too much choice, you become obsessed about what your decision will say about you.

Who knows, maybe we all divulge in a little Gluttony every now and then and just choose everything. I know many men do! 

I find that sometimes, the greatest relief is to sit back with a glass of wine and watch the chips fall where they may. That and of course, sign up for online shopping to save yourself the look of disgusted amazement at the supermarket. Unlike Kathy Lee Griffin, sometimes it's best to quit while you're ahead. 

From me to you,

<3 Miss Communication