Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect: the theoretical example of a hurricane's formation being contingent on whether or not a distant butterfly had flapped its wings several weeks before.

Sometimes I fear that my words / actions have too much gravity. I can make or break a relationship. I can spoil, inspire, uplift, or break a person's spirit. I can make their wedding day they happiest of their lives. I have the ability to make the DJ show up on the wrong day, double book a Ballroom, forget to order their AV equipment. I could alert the media of the secret auditions for a TV network or tell them where the state's football team is preparing before the game. I have resources at my disposal to do powerful things.
We all do.
The Internet, for example, is a powerful weapon available to us all. We live in a time where our separate worlds collide. Nothing is secret or sacred or private, and it is our human condition to pass judgements on what we see in front of us.
Now we surround ourselves in this lifestyle where you can tell 350 of your closest friends about your hatred towards your ex-person / boss / self at that moment.
It immortalises our thoughts and feelings, when these things AREN'T ever permanent. 
When social networks enable us to present our opinions as facts, doesn't that just promote the idea of judging someone purely by face value? FaceBOOK value?

If we want to have a party, we 'create an event'. 
If we want to reinvent ourselves, we update our profile pictures. We tag, untag, upload, delete, crop, post, share, like and comment.
And apparently, if we want to make ourselves feel better by putting someone else down, we can crucify the way someone is perceived with the click of a button. 
I don't want anybody to have the power to do that to me, but the sad truth is that the Internet just makes it easier for people to project their bitterness & be both an obvious and subtle bully. 
What I've learnt is, it's not the Internet's fault. Those same people might be saying bad things about me using other means. At least this way, I can see it for myself. 

In the Events World, the Butterfly Effect can be a son of a bitch. If a client finds one small thing to complain about, I can bet my mini-salary that there will be more issues to follow.
Yes, I am aware that there is currently a tea and coffee station set in your room, with no fresh tea and coffee currently available to you. Yes, I do have the paperwork I sent you in front of me, yes I am aware it says a tea and coffee station is set in the room. You are looking at it. If you read the paperwork I sent you, your "TEA AND COFFEE BREAK" is scheduled for 2:30pm, written in three different ways, on each page. Yes, I can see how this is not made clear. Yes, next time I will not make the 25 cups, saucers, mugs, spoons, sugar, tea boxes and side plates visible while you notate buzz words on butchers paper.  I will remember to cover it with my invisibility cloak until it is serving time.
I do, once more, apologise for the inconvenience. You will probably now, very conveniently, notice that the air conditioning is one degree too cold, that the corner of your sandwich did not contain cheese, that the PA is not simply switched off- it is an indicator of my disorganisation, and that we don't even KNOW THE PASSWORD TO YOUR LAPTOP. It is YOUR laptop! But I do apologise that my staff were unable to assist you with your concern on this occasion.

The butterfly effect with our social networks is this:

We pass on our opinions as facts, and we create ripples in our real worlds.

We can cause couples to break up, friends to create pack mentalities and people to perceive you forever in the wrong way.

Take twitter for example - it's the global acceptance that your every thought deserves to be projected! They aren't all gems, and some things just aren't meant to be shared!
Want to connect? Pick up the god damn phone and call me!
Want to catch up? Don't write on my wall and then never comment back, just come and see me!

The Bright Side (because there's always one of those)
I do have to thank Facebook, and take my hat off to Zucheberg. Remember those people in our past (or unfortunately, in our present), that were way too good at juggling? They juggled friends, manipulated their stories, had multiple partners and never got caught? Facebook is like the lie detector of the 21st Century. Everybody is desperate to leave their imprint - all you have to do is follow the trail of breadcrumbs!
Even if it takes a map and a double shot of bourbon to navigate, I will find the answers I seek! Sometimes, though, it can be too late. Like for example, when you're happily fluttering along in a casual love-induced daze and soon realise, after lengthy perusing (I refuse to use the word "stalk"... The information is right there!) that you're actually The Other Woman.

Do you
a. send the unsuspecting partner a private message?
b. organise a shipping container to China for your betrayer. (I have given this one some thought and decided that it would be best for both parties if they were at least tranquillised. I know, I'm humane).
c. Stupidly wait for them to call you and explain that the whole thing is not what it seems (hint.. it always is). Even if they do call, it's like finding a chicken nugget in your fries. It's a pleasant surprise that you weren't expecting, but at the end of the day, it's just a nugget. It'll go down the exact same way.
d. Realise that sometimes the best business, is to mind your own. Jugglers can't keep those mini beanbags up forever, and those ripples in the Butterfly Effect aren't for us to make.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop,

<3 Miss Coordinate

Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Jungle

So I am now one year older, and being in the events industry, my friends naturally expect me to make a big deal of it and throw a right rager. Not being able to resist, I decided to have a big party at a bar.

I believe the power of moods can make or break your evening, and the only person that can control it, unfortunately, is yourself.

The birthday has come and gone, with wonderful surprises and the normal cancellations due to unforeseen circumstances, like sick relatives, migraines and all of the I-Robots stopping people from leaving their homes.

I did have a good evening, because I refused to let silly things bother me. There are two ways of seeing a night out: the endless opportunity, or the endless futility.

I spend the whole week wishing for a bathtub of wine and a silly straw, and the weekend finally rolls around. We all go out, dressed up, in the hopes of having a great night and feeling better about ourselves in the morning. Sometimes, it does the trick, but if you've got the "Seen this, Done that" sunglasses on, it can be a jungle out there. For example:

1. The Lioness
There are many forms of said creature. We can all have our moment of roar, especially for the door girls at a club. Didn't quite make it to the police academy? That's ok, there's still a place for you to exert your need to lay down the law, along with your inflated want of power.
When facing these beasts, there are two options. It all depends on exactly how bad you want to prowl that evening.
a. swallow their aggressive growling, pay your price and be so grateful you were let in at all
b. bite back, stand your ground and risk potential exile

2. The Locusts with Lipgloss:
The girls in the bathroom that buzz around, taking far too long, talk far too fast, have had far too much to drink, and either
a. make friends with you to borrow your make up
b. require you to empathise with them about their alcohol content
c. size you up because they are prettier, i.e have more make up on / have recently used the bathroom's $2 slot machine hair straightener and have shed more hairs on the floor than you care to shake a stick at.
You can see this as either an opportunity to make a temp-friend and have a random adventure, or see the futility in it, because you won't see them again, and the guy waiting patiently at the door for them ( or you) doesn't actually care if your hair is frizzy. He wants to frizz it up himself... With his crotch. And no fresh re-application will instantly make him love you - because he's probably a douche bag anyway.

3. The Roaches:
The lovely men aside of course, the Roaches are the same men waiting patiently for a locust, and comes from a pack of roaches that travelled in the hopes of a meal that evening. You can either
a. see the opportunity for a new love / fling / adventure
b. see him abundantly distracted by the satellites on your chest, and start spouting out stories of your new ant farm, because you would have better luck nailing jelly to a tree, than getting him to truly be interested in how charming you are.
Let me ask this; if Mortein bug repellent is so successful at ridding us of roaches, why do they use the same bug's face in every advertisement? The answer is this: once some men enter that club, they become a version of themselves that is exactly like the last roach that curled up and died, and got booted out by a bouncer.

4. The Prowler's Pick me Up:
A wonderful man is just a man. He isn't always wonderful, but that is one of the many risks that we Jungle Explorers take.
A pick me up Man is just like The Cake at a birthday party. Everybody else is eating it, and you really want to know if it's worth breaking the fast for. If in doubt, ALWAYS put. the. cake. down. There will be remorse.
After a pick me up, one can wind up in several places.
    a. the watering hole, dialling-drunk to find out where he is. NB: this is what putting all of your eggs in one basket looks like. Good friends will spot a girl excusing herself to sneak to the bathroom alone without her hand bag, red-hot phone in hand. Circle it in your calendars, because that is a scheduled drunk dial that must be stopped in its tracks!
    b. a nest that isn't yours, trying to look ones best upon wake-up. Breathtaking? I think not. I'm fairly certain I still have my pillow imprint mashed to my face and a hefty DNA deposit of drool not-exactly-in-my-mouth in the mornings.
   c. going home alone, which is the stronger choice, but not always the safest. One can find themselves stranded, but it's better than going home with a Tarzan that is only thinking of his tree.

I suppose everybody just wants to feel something. One never knows what the lions, locusts, roaches and predators are really after, and hey, maybe there is a little bit of all of these animals in all of us.

One can find themselves consumed with an overwhelming feeling of the "I don't want to be here"s when they are out. We generally underestimate the power of our own minds, and blatantly refuse to snap out of our slumps. It is always up to yourself to change this, shake it off, put your god damn shoes on and have a bloody good adventure.

Whether you decide to go out or stay home, the way that you will end up feeling will always be The Great Unknown, and maybe that's the greatness of it.

Lacing up my safari boots,

<3 Miss Coordindate

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Shivers, Shakes and Shudders

I wish to explore those moments in life that leave imprints in our memories.

When these strong imprints then cross your mind, that emotion bursts and send you a little shiver. 

So, I've broken them down into categories, depending on the type of emotion.
1. The Shake it Off Shiver:
It was all going so great, until it just wasn't anymore. When you remember that amazing kiss and emotive display, and then wonder what the hell went wrong, and why he never called. The time has long passed for the constant phone-checking, because it's far too late and definitely over, but a little part of you wants to wait.
Off! Brrrr!

1.5 The Sexual Shiver:
It's self explanatory.

2. The Career-Bash Shake
Being the little guy generally means taking the blame for someone else's mistake. For example, when I booked harbour cruises, and dealt with Mr Wadd, who was My Far Too Important client, The CEO (Crackpot, Extermination Overdue) of Dick Wadd Enterprises. This kept him Far Too Busy to do something mundane like fill out paperwork correctly, and he had called to confirm a tentative booking.
My boss, at the time, never tentatively held the booking in the first place, as she decided to nose her way in to my Far Too Importantly Expensive booking (to save the 5c commission I was due to receive for my brown nosing).
It was me that had to explain that the boat was never held, and someone had now confirmed the date he wanted. It was me that got yelled at, called incapable and got hung up on. My boss then put the blame on me, took the booking for herself, and bought a brand new lollypop for her troubles.
Even though those people were parked on the corner of Fuddy and Duddy, and had faces that should be donated to Science Fiction, I still took it as a career-bash and it still gives me a little Shake. 

2. The Douchebag Fail Shudder:

Blind dates, or meeting up with people we don't really know that well can do one of two things.
1. Pleasantly surprise you and lead to swoony things (and the first shiver).
2. Memories to make you Shudder.

Signs that you will end up shuddering:

- He insists on coming to pick you up, and then stops at a park on the way home so you can "talk".

- He has more than one mobile phone. This requires no elaboration.

- You receive a text message saying "hey, are we tonight?". This one isn't really a sign, but an order to run faster than a gold digger to a new self-made billionaire. (The answer to that text, by the way is "I think the plan for your evening is to vigorously F... yourSELF".)

- He's so beautiful to look at, but ends up being about as sharp as a beach ball. I call this the Adonis to Anus ratio. The hotter some men are, the smarter they never had to be. It's a beautiful let down, really. While we were drinking from the fountain of knowledge, I believe just gargled, stressed less and bench-pressed. These creatures are best left for moments when words aren't necessary, and seconds aren't an option. Have a play, but never put this penis on a pedestal; expecting too much will always dissatisfy.

- You instantly miss the man who caused shiver number 1.

NB: Trying to create a relationship with these men is like forgetting to check if your cubicle has toilet paper before pulling down your pants. It has the potential to get awkward and a little messy, and could have been avoided with just a little caution.

I believe that we are always falling, some way or another.
Falling for... Falling in... Falling down... Falling out... Falling away.
Maybe that's what the shivers are there for. To catch us. Maybe they're not just memories of what was or wasn't what we expected, but reminders. Ghosts of feelings that have dulled in time, but have taught their lesson and filled their purpose. All memories are good memories, and all shivers, shakes and shudders are good things, even if they are only there to cushion the blow for the next time we fall... Like perma-shin pads.

Shaking it off,

<3 Miss Coordinate

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Drum Roll

I have learnt to put my job into perspective. I know never to let the client's panic phase me. I can't get stressed over every single conference or wedding or birthday, because there will always be another one to run, another guest stuck in a lift, another stupid cow that doesn't understand the fifth time you say I. NEED. CREDIT. CARD. DETAILS. ON. FILE. TO. CONFIRM. YOUR. EVENT.... TWAT.

But there is always the nerves. That buzzing feeling when you're waiting for the bride to arrive so you can get the ball rolling, enter the new married couple into the softly lit Ballroom and let the night begin. Will I drop the cake? Will the chef burn all of the entrees? Will the DJ show up naked? Will he be really cute and will I want to see him naked?

I love that moment before a First Date. It's that scary adrenaline you get from being able to reinvent yourself; show yourself in any light.

Then there comes the nerves, waiting for them to call and give you feedback. Did he like what he saw? Was I amazingly charming? Is he in love with me yet or is he still in the head space of Studs, Tools and the Family Jewels?

I have a new rule. There are three days after a date when you can allow yourself free reign to wear
The Rose Coloured Sunglasses. Get googlie eyes because he's so lovely, picture all of the scenarios; the future dates that might not happen, the things that you will say, where you might go, how he might be your new George Clooney, (but a little needier.)

It's scary to put yourself out there. It takes a certain kind of bravery to be willing to get disappointed all over again, but if you want to meet someone, you have to take the risk. You might have a good time, but you have to be willing to expose yourself to marginal douchebaggery in the process.

If they don't show enough interest in those three days... or a week... or two weeks...
Set him free. Delete all traces of his number... except for the emergency one hidden in your notes - just in case. (again breaking my rule and starting a sentence with because) Because, even though it took me 4 viewings of He's Just Not That Into You and a bucket of Ben & Jerry's (which is my complete Jesus right now), there are no reasons aside from the big one - He really just isn't that into you.

Always learn more, I say. Always attend. Always let go, and always jump in.

That's the thing about the drum roll; there can always be another. You just have to be at the show.

Lining up for a new Premier,

<3 Miss Coordinate