Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Bad Review

Thank you for all your lovely warming feedback :)

Not all feedback can be positive however. I'd like to be one of those 'fake-honest' people that say the righteous thing like "Constructive criticism is good as it helps you develop and grow".

Well F&^K that.
I say ignorance is bliss. (That's 'fake-honest' me talking...)

On this note, I had my performance review today. Every staff member near the end of the year gets pulled into their manager's office one by one to face the impending doom of their mistakes-on-paper review.

Perception can be a funny, yet powerful thing in the workplace. I trot along through my day, thinking 'I get here an hour early every day, I offer to help. My boss knows I care about my job and I work hard".

*BZZZZZZT* I'll get wrong for $45,000 thanks! To assume definitely just made an ass out of me!

Every time my manager pointed out a mistake I had made, I would say "ok", or "mmhmm" and swivel back around in my swivelly-wheel chair, and fix it immediately. I thought, "there's only so many times you can swear, look sheepish and apologise. She must know by now how aware I am that I am a space cadet only posing as a coordinator as I am clearly not coordinated in the ruddy slightest!" 

However, because I didn't show that it bothered me, or acknowledge that I had done wrong, even if it was a small mistake, I was showing that I didn't care.

Even though the stubborn adolescent inside of me wanted to go "how's THIS for body language!", and the daily grind seemed a little too grindie to worry about a bloody coffee at all, I really did have to agree with her.
It's like somebody looking at the floor when you speak to them (which apparently I used to do). The person speaking thinks "is this bitch listening to me? I'm going to talk louder... nope she's still looking at the floor. Should I say something about that? I'm going to say something. I'm just about to say somethiiiing.. -Nope it's ok she's looking at me now. Freak". 

I suppose I took for granted how important body language is in the business world. Surrounded by the people that you love, you never have to worry about how you are percieved or judged, because (I like to think) you don't need to be judged.

I felt like I was wearing a cheap white dress and headed for the Chapel O' Love. I'm a real bride, I swear! I'm not just posing, or knocked up! I care about the holy sacrament of Event Coordination, so help me God!

So long story short, there were hugs and tears (only by me, naturally... sook.) and everything was good again.

To add to my ego:

Reservations Manager: "Can anyone smell tuna?"
Me: "T-U-N-A?"

Even though my feeling of self worth is of the non-existant variety, I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a much better day. I had to drink some cement & harden the F&^K up, as my grandma says, but I have learnt a lot about myself when I stop and face the music.

Now I'm off to cook with wine.

I might even put some in the food.

Sending positive body language your way,

<3 Miss Coordinate

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