Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The Internal Error
I see it at work, when it becomes my fault that no one has RSVP'd yet the cancellation policy DOES apply as you are still currently alive and are not the boss of me.
Sometimes, we are mistaken, due to a few contributing factors that are never our fault. It has come to my attention that I display symptoms of Cinderella Syndrome. I expect someone out there to subconsciously see that I am the nice one going through a hard time, and I need to be rewarded with The Prince, stat. It only leaves me more disappointed.
For example, I went out on Friday night and caught the aroma of freshly baked Stud Muffin. I locked eyes with Mr Muscles, and proceeded to size him up for Potential. He asked me if I wanted to dance, but being recently jilted, I reply with a shy "maybe in a month or two". He catches me later, and offers several times to buy me a drink, which I finally accept.
The You Were Hot and then you Opened Your Mouth fail:
Once at the bar, he states "I never pay for drinks here, do I (insert-bar-chicks-name-here.. for the story's purpose, let's call her Druscilla)?. You wanna party for three days? I'll go. I'm just that type of person".
"You'll have to pay for one of the drinks" replies Druscilla.
He pats around for his wallet, and just when I thought that falling off my chair in slow motion as it breaks underneath me was embarassing, I hit a new low.
He turns to me and says "you got five bucks on ya? I'll give it back to you in a minute, my mate has my wallet".
I play it like I'm not mortified and that this happens all the time, hand over my dignity, and proclaim a need to pee.
He escorts me to the bathroom and waits outside, while I burst through the double doors, into a cubicle and slam my Gin & Tonic down my face. 10 minutes later, I emerge, and he has thankfully taken the hint and left to prove to someone else that there is no such thing as a free drink!
It wasn't the aroma of stud muffin, it was the bitter smell of a one-pump-chump.
The Silly Woman Fail:
Sometimes we are mistaken by our own strength. I delighted myself with the sick notion that I could change my own tire, I didn't need an M word to do it for me. (Male, Man, Mr, Malaka..)
I couldn't even pull the tire out of the boot! And car jack? The only Jack I knew I needed was one with a penis attached to do it for me!
My I-don't-need-a-M word-levels dropped faster than a frozen pizza into a sink of hot soapy water. (but that's another fail for another blog).
The Know Better for Next Time Fail:
Sometimes people mistake the creepy-dude for nice-dude, and before it becomes obvious, you already have 4 new emails, 2 texts and a Facebook add. "Confirm" or "Not Now". Now NOW? Not EVER!!!
The Financial Fail:
When pay day is the same day as late night shopping and you find yourself restless with nothing to do.
The I Look Like a Penis Fail:
I have learnt never to call a boy if you haven't thought of a proper reason for doing so. Apparently "just to say hey" isn't enough sometimes. Just because you are in the mood for a little validation, small talk and soothing tones, doesn't mean they are. And you're all "ohh heyyyyy", and you get a curt reply like "hi-what's-up?". ABORT. Do not follow with "ohhh.. nothiiiiing :)", because as the heading suggests, you will end up with a penis on your forehead. Your response will be one of the following.
b. ahh.. k
c. (my favourite to get me warm and fuzzy) can I call you later?
Thought we all hate to fail, in all of the embarrassing ways possible, I will say this...
We shouldn't fear our failure, we should just try to fail better next time.
Off to find my own damn glass slipper,
<3 Miss Coordinate