Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Shivers, Shakes and Shudders

I wish to explore those moments in life that leave imprints in our memories.

When these strong imprints then cross your mind, that emotion bursts and send you a little shiver. 

So, I've broken them down into categories, depending on the type of emotion.
1. The Shake it Off Shiver:
It was all going so great, until it just wasn't anymore. When you remember that amazing kiss and emotive display, and then wonder what the hell went wrong, and why he never called. The time has long passed for the constant phone-checking, because it's far too late and definitely over, but a little part of you wants to wait.
Off! Brrrr!

1.5 The Sexual Shiver:
It's self explanatory.

2. The Career-Bash Shake
Being the little guy generally means taking the blame for someone else's mistake. For example, when I booked harbour cruises, and dealt with Mr Wadd, who was My Far Too Important client, The CEO (Crackpot, Extermination Overdue) of Dick Wadd Enterprises. This kept him Far Too Busy to do something mundane like fill out paperwork correctly, and he had called to confirm a tentative booking.
My boss, at the time, never tentatively held the booking in the first place, as she decided to nose her way in to my Far Too Importantly Expensive booking (to save the 5c commission I was due to receive for my brown nosing).
It was me that had to explain that the boat was never held, and someone had now confirmed the date he wanted. It was me that got yelled at, called incapable and got hung up on. My boss then put the blame on me, took the booking for herself, and bought a brand new lollypop for her troubles.
Even though those people were parked on the corner of Fuddy and Duddy, and had faces that should be donated to Science Fiction, I still took it as a career-bash and it still gives me a little Shake. 

2. The Douchebag Fail Shudder:

Blind dates, or meeting up with people we don't really know that well can do one of two things.
1. Pleasantly surprise you and lead to swoony things (and the first shiver).
2. Memories to make you Shudder.

Signs that you will end up shuddering:

- He insists on coming to pick you up, and then stops at a park on the way home so you can "talk".

- He has more than one mobile phone. This requires no elaboration.

- You receive a text message saying "hey, are we tonight?". This one isn't really a sign, but an order to run faster than a gold digger to a new self-made billionaire. (The answer to that text, by the way is "I think the plan for your evening is to vigorously F... yourSELF".)

- He's so beautiful to look at, but ends up being about as sharp as a beach ball. I call this the Adonis to Anus ratio. The hotter some men are, the smarter they never had to be. It's a beautiful let down, really. While we were drinking from the fountain of knowledge, I believe just gargled, stressed less and bench-pressed. These creatures are best left for moments when words aren't necessary, and seconds aren't an option. Have a play, but never put this penis on a pedestal; expecting too much will always dissatisfy.

- You instantly miss the man who caused shiver number 1.

NB: Trying to create a relationship with these men is like forgetting to check if your cubicle has toilet paper before pulling down your pants. It has the potential to get awkward and a little messy, and could have been avoided with just a little caution.

I believe that we are always falling, some way or another.
Falling for... Falling in... Falling down... Falling out... Falling away.
Maybe that's what the shivers are there for. To catch us. Maybe they're not just memories of what was or wasn't what we expected, but reminders. Ghosts of feelings that have dulled in time, but have taught their lesson and filled their purpose. All memories are good memories, and all shivers, shakes and shudders are good things, even if they are only there to cushion the blow for the next time we fall... Like perma-shin pads.

Shaking it off,

<3 Miss Coordinate

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