Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Friend


When I was a little girl (not that I have grown much since), I believed that God watched everything I did, just like I was taught in scripture. Before I did something 'naughty', like see what the fuss was all about and put foil in the microwave, I would stop and think to myself, "Maybe God went to get a glass of water". 

hairdressers.jpg hairdresser image by magalislootmansMy morals in regards to friends, however, have always been different (one would hope). If you do something wrong to a friend, it doesn't matter if they saw it or not. Deep down, no matter how good of a child you are, you will still know, that baby indeed did a bad bad thing.

Throughout our lives, we encounter a rich tapestry of different types of friendships. Some people believe that friends are God's way of apologising for their families, while others take whatever they can get. I, however, believe that friends in life are like chicken in a salad. They're not necessary, but they make everything so much better!

I happen to be very fortune to have wonderfully giving and supportive friends like J, and old friends like K, who's own mother can only describe him as "Unique"
Friendship is knowing they will always be there for you, no matter how many times I whine for assorted chocolate bars, drop their pants while somebody video tapes it, endlessly talk about myself and laugh so painfully loud that nearby countries cop a 4.9 on the Richter Scale. 

There comes a time however, when friendships break down. You've heard of toxic bachelor (see post below), now here are some of the common traits in a 'toxic friend', identified by Ivillage, and edited by yours truly, Miss Coordinate:

This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.
Personally, I can always bet on this person not showing up, and score myself some loose change.
2. The Double-crosser:
This negative friend betrays you big-time. It could happen when someone does something to hurt you, such as spreading a malicious rumor about you. 
Personally, I had my fair share of double-crossers early in life, and I like to think that I am now older and wiser (yeah right), and can spot these types early. Drop your shopping bags, bestie bracelet, matching shirt and run, is my advise. 
a friend who does not make the time to listen to you will eat away at your self-esteem. For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.
Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought "wow, that person is really nice, but I don't know anything about them at all"? It's because you were the one doing all the talking:- women, this comes naturally! 
Side note: an old toxic-bachelor-boyfriend of mine admitted to letting women do all the talking so they liked him better, and he didn't even have to say a word! 

When you say to this friend, "This is just between us," she nods her head but unfortunately that promise will last only as long as it takes her to get to her phone or e-mail.
Unless you want the world to know, avoid telling these people secrets, cause they'll be passed around faster than a hot potato among energetic red-cordial lipped chilren.

 5. The Competitor:
A little bit of competition can be motivating and healthy, but an excess amount can be worse than getting your pants pulled down in a public place; unnecessary and horrid for ones self esteem! Competition implies a race in which one wins and the other loses; the opposite of what someone typically expects in a positive friendship, especially a close or best one.
If you wish to stay friends with the Competitor, you may have to be willing to listen to her brags and boasts far more often than you can share your own

6. The Fault-finder
Nothing you do, say, or wear is good enough for this overly critical friend. The Fault-finder was probably raised by extremely judgmental parents who were also rearing equally hypercritical siblings. 
Dropping in a quote from the one and only Mother Teresa, "if you judge people, you have no time to love them". 

In my experience, even the best of friends can have faults in every one of these categories. Just like water and pancake mix, sometimes you have to work together and shake things up a little to get a good end result!

So whether you're a sometimes friend, a bestest friend, a woman with a whole lot of cats, or a guy in the 'friend zone' that constantly reminds himself it's better than nothing, don't fear. 
Friendship may have more faces than a gold digger's diamond, but it is still friendship after all.

Your friend,

<3 Miss Coordinate

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